SUSPICION

They say that suspicion is forbidden but that doesn’t mean that people will be stopped being labelled suspects
Growing up, I was always suspected because they just wanted me to do good
But I guess that the Lord only knows if it did me any good
Growing up in the hood they all feared my hoodie 
Though little did they know that I was a goodie
And if they did maybe they wouldn’t generalise me with all the other people wearing hoodies
Back in the day it was like those closest to me were the reason I wanted to be distant
Now i’m faced with this hurtful distance but who knows if it will go the distance
They say life is short but how long will it take for us to ever understand
In the past I was the usual suspect even though things were unusual
The say that suspicion is the work of mean souls but fact is I’m far from perfect
Truth is, I can have a mean streak but most of the times I don’t mean what I say
I guess what I’m trying to say is that life has never been good
Though sometimes you have to go through bad times for the good
And that’s exactly what happens when I met this girl called hayley morrison
But I guess all good things must really come to an end
Because fact is even she started suspecting that i was doing bad
So I guess it’s no wonder why I began to embark on the wrong path
I guess it’s no wonder how I started to commit sin after sin
Then again little did I know that I was capable of committing crimes
They say it all starts off with keeping the wrong company
But what difference does it make if the police  suspect me for these ugly crimes
When my whole life has been nothing but an ugly dream
Back in the day i would find blood queasy but now it’s just art to me
Now it’s just my passion that’s why I commit these crimes of passion
Its often said that suspicion is close to guilty minds
Moreover now I’m guilty of manslaughter and on trial
Yet when alls said and done i  guess I’m no longer the suspect
I guess I’m the perpetrator of this heinous crime
What’s more is that I guess I’m destined to do the time
My family as well as my loved ones come to visit me
On the other hand they look at me at disgust instead of still supporting me
However this isn’t what makes my head spin and spin
The thing that makes my  head spin is that they still suspect me of more
For instance they blamed me for starting a riot in prison
Then again the only prison I have ever been in is that so called place I used to call home
All in all they say that suspicion is forbidden but I guess I’m a suspect for life
I guess it’s once a suspect always a suspect
So what is the point of living in this wold full of bad
The next morning I’m found hanging in my cell and they suspect me for suicide
But if I was going to kill myself why would I wait to do it in jail.

MESSAGES

They say that it’s not the quantity of life that matters
On the other hand it’s the depth of life
In other words the meaning of life doesn’t mean anything
Rather, it’s the purpose of life that is more significant
Growing up i was always given these mixed messages by my parents
On one hand when I was an infant I would frequently want to be picked up and so I was
On the other hand now that I have grown up its like all they ever do is put me down
Moreover now that I have grown up its like I’m a complete stranger to the people I have spent my whole life with
So much so that there is no such thing as communication
Day by day i interrogate myself why in my head
But nowadays it’s like my head is empty and has no message to inform me of
When I was in school my parents didn’t like the fact that I was always messaging my friends
Hence the reason why they decided to confiscate my mobile phones
And I’m talking about years ago when there wasn’t this generation of texting
Fact of the matter is that I am not angry at not being able to message my friends
Its just that not messaging my friends has made me more of a loner
So much so that I’m now suffering from autism spectrum disorder
Now when one of my friends message me and ask if I’m alright
I always tend to kill the conversation because of miscommunication
They say that life goes on and that’s exactly the message that kept me going
What’s more is that I started to like this girl who was sending me messages with her eyes
Its often said that love is blind but what is that supposed to mean anyway?
If love is blind then it was written in Braille that she was the one
However when alls said and done love isn’t this simple
Because after a while I found that I was leaving her more messages as well as voice mail than actually talking to her
I guess the only message that this was revealing is that she didn’t love me the way that I loved her
Sometimes I just want to take my life and leave them a message by writing a suicide note
Though suicide is far from the solution to life
For the only message that would convey is that I’m a coward
And I most certainly do not want to be remembered  as a coward
My only dream in this life is that I become famous and successful
On top of that I wish to stay true and spread the truth
So that I can have real fans who message me on social media
I want to be successful so that publishers can email me and message me for better offers
They say that there’s only one message in life that matters and that is that knowledge is power
However the only message that I want to share with the world is Success is Presence
Reason being is that when alls said and done there’s nothing more important than life
Moreover it’s not the quantity of life that matters, it’s the depth
All in all its the purpose of life that is more important than the meaning of life
Hence the reason why I want the message ‘Success is Presence’ to be on my grave.

Center Of Hell

Growing up my life was a constant and arduous trial

Where I was familiar with a sheaf of denial,

And, I was taught what was right and wrong

But still, I somehow couldn’t manage to stay strong

Instead I continually found myself turning out to be weak

Hence why the future only looked to be bleak,

I guess warmth and love what I was really seeking

However, as time passed by I only found it more difficult communicating or speaking

In the short run I would break the rules

And in the long run I was labelled a rebel in school

I suppose it was easy for you to judge based on my academic achievements

And consequently brand me a failure, but I choose to view it as unsuccessful attempts and room for improvement,

If time and tide waits for no man

Then why do we all have so many missed opportunities; is this also part of gods master plan,

Is this god’s way of telling us there is such a thing as destiny, as well as fate?

They say that it’s never too late;

It’s never too late to always retake an exam

And rearranging the quondam diagram

But, what does one do when inflicted with purblindness

How does one see the signs to his destination when others refuse to show kindness?

I guess if I was never born then maybe I would never be in this mess

Also, maybe I wouldn’t have all these sins on my shoulders that I haven’t confessed

Perhaps, I wouldn’t be sat in my room writing all these poems and feeling depressed

If only they all knew how much I was actually blessed

Some say that expecting your life to be heaven is the reason its hell

So, does that mean that I’ll get heaven if I expect hell?

My life is the most petrifying of nightmares

Resplendent with nothing but despair,

The only hopes I do have are these poems I’m writing

But, sometimes writing down my miseries only gives rise to furthermore Catch-22’s that are furthermore frightening,

It’s like I’m on an endless trip to hell

However, what’s more terrifying is that I’m on a journey to the centre of hell;

I’m on a journey to the centre of hell where people show hate instead of love

The only reason I’m alive is because of the Lords will from above

Every day, I find myself pondering about fire and brimstone

But I guess I can only imagine what the future holds in the end and what it’ll say on my gravestone.

Liberum Palaestina

Since the last assailment in which we buried a myriad of cadaverous bodies

The repercussions of needing succour in the form of victuals have caused such dearth;

That we’re drowning in constant consternation, but our lachrymal eyes are the least of our worries

It’s the kablooey which left us homeless that has robbed us of all of our mirth,

Conversely its not the embrocation or salve that has remedied our abrasions

Rather, it is the armistice that’s given us all some much needed optimism

Moreover now that Ramadan is vicinal, so is the time of benevolence as well as exoneration

Hence let Palestine rejoice as Israel has abstained from their sadism

But only 9 days pass and Israel recommence their indiscriminate fusillade

Day by day they blast their Molotov cocktails and rockets towards Gaza

And they do more than kill innocent civilians as well as destroy our palisades

What is more is they also smother us in a charcoal smoke, while making innocuous children orphans and pallbearers

Regardless of the fact that Israel carry out their assault on top of the fact that they’re illegally occupying our land

Palestine remain stoical as Israel carries out its malignant and nefarious plans

Autism

When I was born my parents believed right away that there was something different about me

And, whenever the midwife would carry out her routine check-ups; my parents were always there to interrogate her with a barrage of questions

However, by the time the midwife was gone; still my parents would have many unanswered questions

As well as the idea that the midwife was unable to relate or understand the bigger picture from her infrequent visits

Then again, as time passed and as my parents tried their HARDEST to accept that I was normal

On the other hand, the veracity of the situation was that the truth was a thousand miles away from normal

Because, at the very beginning when the doctors carried out their procedural developmental tests

Although, my parents only hoped for the best, it was only the worst that took place instead,  

It was the worst that took place instead as I was transferred to a developmental specialist,

I was transferred to a developmental specialist who carried out his observations and review on me several times

What’s more, is that bottles and bottle of my blood was taken out for genetic testing

All in all though, it was nothing but a waiting game, along with plenty of uncertainty for the doctors as well as my parents

And, reason being is that it took a certain degree of time and caution to advance with the process of elimination

Thus, it’s no wonder why I was made to see a developmental paediatrician, a child neurologist and also a child psychologist

And this is how I spent most of my childhood; in a hospital, rather than playing outside with other children

Then again, when it seemed like that this journey was a never ending journey; on the other hand there were some answers;

There were some small answers that gave some small hope to my parents more than me

They say that just because a child has developmental problems that doesn’t mean that he/she is autistic

Fact of the matter though, was that I WAS diagnosed as having Autism Spectrum Disorder

Moreover, I was faced with the day-to-day challenges of my symptoms in my whole adolescence

For instance, I was troubled at school and looked down on for being such a freak due to many reasons

Some of them were that I would avoid eye contact; and I was taciturn as well as not very talkative

Then again, it made no difference whether others would communicate with me or not, because at the end of the day I was unable to relate to others

What’s more, is that I had a general disinterest in most things, plus I always found myself being lonely

However, that was partly mended and fixed by being assigned a special needs teacher

Likewise, I also had unusual reactions to tastes, and this problem affected me wherever I would go,

The list of issues and dilemmas are endless, nevertheless I believe that although I didn’t have the most normal adolescence

I can say however, that although there is no cure for autism, on the other hand there are many coping mechanisms in place

There are a number of mechanisms in place, which can help lessen the burden of being autistic

And, there are many systems in place such as; sticking to a routine, on top of that there’s the handful of pills and not forgetting the strict diet

So all in all, regardless of whether some people believe that we autistics cannot fit into society

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter whether they believe that we autistics can’t fit into society

What matters on the other hand, is that we autistics believe ourselves that we CAN fit into society

Then again, no two autism cases are the same, hence why it’s almost impossible for some autistics to fit into society

On top of that, sometimes even our own parents are unable to confront or cope with our autism

So at the end of the day I guess that autism is inscrutable, but that doesn’t take away the significance of being aware

Because the second that we become aware of autism is also the second that we’ll make progress in fighting autism

And, it will be the second that we make better lives for autistics in the near future hopefully.