25 April 2008

wrong

I can't do this. I can't do it all. I want to be a superwoman, but it never works. I try to do too much and end up not doing well at anything.

I lose people. I lose marks. I lose time. I lose hope.

I want to give up. I really do. Sometimes I want to take the easy way out.

I'm nothing without you.

02 April 2008

sin aire

"If I should die before I wake, it's because you took my breath away. Losing you is like living in a world with no air. I'm here alone. I didn't want to leave. My heart won't move; it's incomplete. I wish there was a way that I could make you understand.

How do you expect me to live alone with just me? Because my world revolves around you and it's just so hard for me to breathe. Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air. I can't live, can't breathe with no air. It's how I feel whenever you aren't there. There's no air, no air. You have me out here in the water so deep. Tell me how you're gonna be without me. If you aren't here I just can't breathe; there's no air, no air.

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew, right off the ground to float to you. With no gravity to hold me down for real. But somehow I'm still alive inside. You took my breath but I survived, I don't know how, but I don't even care."

as sung by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown

27 March 2008

fail

When trying to study, I am fighting myself. I have to fight my desire to not study, my desire to fail, my desire to say, "Let this all go to hell; there are more important things in life." Every time I try to do work, to prepare for a lecture, to review notes, to write, to do assignments, this war in my head takes place. Part of me doesn't want to succeed. The perfectionist in me doesn't like that.

I need a break; I'm going crazy.

Last term, I missed a class for which attendance was worth marks. This term, I have the continuation of that class. Today, I missed half of it. Is this improvement?

I try studying in new places, at different times. The reset button is broken and exams are coming up—seven of them.

I am so scared to devote myself to one thing, to pursue one specific goal. I'm scared to put my all into my schoolwork in case I reach the point when my "return on investment" is zero.

23 March 2008

happy easter

I bought a copy of the Qur'an today.
Was this an act of rebellion? No, I think it was just the curiosity finally getting to me.

14 March 2008

what's going on?

"From the moment I saw you, I went out of my mind....
From the second you touched me, I was ready to die."
Whitney Houston

This is getting dangerous. I should avoid you for a while, but lately it seems like I don't have much control over this.
"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."
The Fray

I want to tell you that I would do anything for you.
I want to tell you that I would be whatever you want me to be.
"Worse than the total agony of being in love?"
Love Actually

I have changed since meeting you.