Center Of Hell

Growing up my life was a constant and arduous trial

Where I was familiar with a sheaf of denial,

And, I was taught what was right and wrong

But still, I somehow couldn’t manage to stay strong

Instead I continually found myself turning out to be weak

Hence why the future only looked to be bleak,

I guess warmth and love what I was really seeking

However, as time passed by I only found it more difficult communicating or speaking

In the short run I would break the rules

And in the long run I was labelled a rebel in school

I suppose it was easy for you to judge based on my academic achievements

And consequently brand me a failure, but I choose to view it as unsuccessful attempts and room for improvement,

If time and tide waits for no man

Then why do we all have so many missed opportunities; is this also part of gods master plan,

Is this god’s way of telling us there is such a thing as destiny, as well as fate?

They say that it’s never too late;

It’s never too late to always retake an exam

And rearranging the quondam diagram

But, what does one do when inflicted with purblindness

How does one see the signs to his destination when others refuse to show kindness?

I guess if I was never born then maybe I would never be in this mess

Also, maybe I wouldn’t have all these sins on my shoulders that I haven’t confessed

Perhaps, I wouldn’t be sat in my room writing all these poems and feeling depressed

If only they all knew how much I was actually blessed

Some say that expecting your life to be heaven is the reason its hell

So, does that mean that I’ll get heaven if I expect hell?

My life is the most petrifying of nightmares

Resplendent with nothing but despair,

The only hopes I do have are these poems I’m writing

But, sometimes writing down my miseries only gives rise to furthermore Catch-22’s that are furthermore frightening,

It’s like I’m on an endless trip to hell

However, what’s more terrifying is that I’m on a journey to the centre of hell;

I’m on a journey to the centre of hell where people show hate instead of love

The only reason I’m alive is because of the Lords will from above

Every day, I find myself pondering about fire and brimstone

But I guess I can only imagine what the future holds in the end and what it’ll say on my gravestone.

Liberum Palaestina

Since the last assailment in which we buried a myriad of cadaverous bodies

The repercussions of needing succour in the form of victuals have caused such dearth;

That we’re drowning in constant consternation, but our lachrymal eyes are the least of our worries

It’s the kablooey which left us homeless that has robbed us of all of our mirth,

Conversely its not the embrocation or salve that has remedied our abrasions

Rather, it is the armistice that’s given us all some much needed optimism

Moreover now that Ramadan is vicinal, so is the time of benevolence as well as exoneration

Hence let Palestine rejoice as Israel has abstained from their sadism

But only 9 days pass and Israel recommence their indiscriminate fusillade

Day by day they blast their Molotov cocktails and rockets towards Gaza

And they do more than kill innocent civilians as well as destroy our palisades

What is more is they also smother us in a charcoal smoke, while making innocuous children orphans and pallbearers

Regardless of the fact that Israel carry out their assault on top of the fact that they’re illegally occupying our land

Palestine remain stoical as Israel carries out its malignant and nefarious plans

Autism

When I was born my parents believed right away that there was something different about me

And, whenever the midwife would carry out her routine check-ups; my parents were always there to interrogate her with a barrage of questions

However, by the time the midwife was gone; still my parents would have many unanswered questions

As well as the idea that the midwife was unable to relate or understand the bigger picture from her infrequent visits

Then again, as time passed and as my parents tried their HARDEST to accept that I was normal

On the other hand, the veracity of the situation was that the truth was a thousand miles away from normal

Because, at the very beginning when the doctors carried out their procedural developmental tests

Although, my parents only hoped for the best, it was only the worst that took place instead,  

It was the worst that took place instead as I was transferred to a developmental specialist,

I was transferred to a developmental specialist who carried out his observations and review on me several times

What’s more, is that bottles and bottle of my blood was taken out for genetic testing

All in all though, it was nothing but a waiting game, along with plenty of uncertainty for the doctors as well as my parents

And, reason being is that it took a certain degree of time and caution to advance with the process of elimination

Thus, it’s no wonder why I was made to see a developmental paediatrician, a child neurologist and also a child psychologist

And this is how I spent most of my childhood; in a hospital, rather than playing outside with other children

Then again, when it seemed like that this journey was a never ending journey; on the other hand there were some answers;

There were some small answers that gave some small hope to my parents more than me

They say that just because a child has developmental problems that doesn’t mean that he/she is autistic

Fact of the matter though, was that I WAS diagnosed as having Autism Spectrum Disorder

Moreover, I was faced with the day-to-day challenges of my symptoms in my whole adolescence

For instance, I was troubled at school and looked down on for being such a freak due to many reasons

Some of them were that I would avoid eye contact; and I was taciturn as well as not very talkative

Then again, it made no difference whether others would communicate with me or not, because at the end of the day I was unable to relate to others

What’s more, is that I had a general disinterest in most things, plus I always found myself being lonely

However, that was partly mended and fixed by being assigned a special needs teacher

Likewise, I also had unusual reactions to tastes, and this problem affected me wherever I would go,

The list of issues and dilemmas are endless, nevertheless I believe that although I didn’t have the most normal adolescence

I can say however, that although there is no cure for autism, on the other hand there are many coping mechanisms in place

There are a number of mechanisms in place, which can help lessen the burden of being autistic

And, there are many systems in place such as; sticking to a routine, on top of that there’s the handful of pills and not forgetting the strict diet

So all in all, regardless of whether some people believe that we autistics cannot fit into society

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter whether they believe that we autistics can’t fit into society

What matters on the other hand, is that we autistics believe ourselves that we CAN fit into society

Then again, no two autism cases are the same, hence why it’s almost impossible for some autistics to fit into society

On top of that, sometimes even our own parents are unable to confront or cope with our autism

So at the end of the day I guess that autism is inscrutable, but that doesn’t take away the significance of being aware

Because the second that we become aware of autism is also the second that we’ll make progress in fighting autism

And, it will be the second that we make better lives for autistics in the near future hopefully.